shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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