So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
