She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
