i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
