I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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