sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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