she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
