I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize