This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
