his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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