You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
