Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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