Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
