I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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