I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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