The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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