4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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