we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
