I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's shark week go big or go home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
