we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
