The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
