whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
