I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
