just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
