btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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