I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
