fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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