For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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