I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
