call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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