I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
