Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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