8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
