We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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