eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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