Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
