i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
