Why does Corona taste like a burp?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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