Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
