ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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