I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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