Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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