I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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