The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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