Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
