If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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