just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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