ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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