sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
