when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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