I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
