They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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