Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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