So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
