$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
