I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
