If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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