I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
