im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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