my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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