1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
