She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
