I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
