mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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