just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize