I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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