and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
