why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize