sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need water and some morals
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
