new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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