I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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