these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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