Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
