sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize