would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
