im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
