I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
