I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
