"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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