UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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