Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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