you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
