cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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