failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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